What began as Gemma generously taking on extra shifts led to burnout, financial hardship and a mental health crisis.

While she was temporarily unable to work during an investigation, the pressure was overwhelming and Gemma felt she could not see a way forward. Cavell’s support came at a critical time in her life.

 

A passion for nursing

 

Gemma began nursing when she was 21 and originally trained in New Zealand. She has been nursing for 26 years and worked in intensive care followed by home-based primary care for hospice patients.

She said, “I’ve been in my current position for nine years working with babies, children and adults with medically complex and life limiting conditions so that they can enjoy what time they have in their own homes.”

Reflecting on her proudest career moment, Gemma said, “I once orchestrated a formal marriage for an 86- and 88-year-old couple in the intensive care unit.

Despite there being many restrictions, we were able to provide cake and a little bit of champagne. For that half an hour, they were just a couple celebrating their love with family and it was such an honour to be a part of it.”

 

Unsustainable working patterns

 

A typical nursing contract sets working hours at 37.5 a week. However, under the Working Time Regulations, staff can work overtime up to a maximum average of 48 hours per week.

Reflecting on this, Gemma said, “nurses are very good at taking on extra shifts and working non-stop just to make ends meet. We struggle to say no; it’s hard to put ourselves before our patients and colleagues.”

Before Gemma reached crisis point, she was working 70 hours a week. This was unsustainable and resulted in Gemma falling asleep during a shift for just 10 minutes. “I’d never done that before. I am so, so thankful that no harm came to any patients during that time, but the guilt destroyed my mental health.”

As a result, Gemma was temporarily suspended while under investigation for safeguarding reasons. “Falling asleep on a shift is a big no, and I understand why the investigation was needed. But the whole process took about six months which meant half a year without income.”

“My savings soon ran out, and I couldn’t pay my essential bills or rent. I had just £2 in my bank account, and it wasn’t because I was recklessly spending, I was just trying to survive.”

 

The problem with shame and stigma

 

“Now my NMC license and DBS are clean. They realised it was extenuating circumstances and the whole investigation has been closed down so I could return to work. But I’ve had to live with that stigma, as well as the debt and strain that those six months put me under. I’ve been carrying a lot of shame.”

Gemma added, “I used to think that asking for help or admitting I needed a break would make people see me as failing as a nurse because I was unable to cope. So, I stayed silent and kept going until I reached crisis point.”

Before contacting to Cavell, Gemma said she had a mental health breakdown and planned to end her life. Thankfully, the RCN and her Mental Health Crisis Team referred her to us, and we were able to offer a grant to ease some of her financial pressures.

 

Getting help at the right time

 

“I assumed my application to Cavell would be rejected, so when the Support Team rang me, I found the offer hard to accept. I said there must be other people more in need than me to give the grant to. I was trying to give Cavell every opportunity to say no, so that I could say to myself, ‘oh well, I tried. It’s OK for me to go now.’ But Cavell gave me hope at a time when everything seemed bleak.”

Cavell’s grant enabled Gemma to immediately pay the rent she owed her landlord, relieving some financial worries and stress.

Gemma continued, “I’d struggled on my own for so long thinking that nobody wanted to help.”

In disbelief, she offered to pay Cavell back because she found it hard to accept money without the promise of returning it. “People just don’t do things like this for me. But Cavell did, and I’m so grateful. It’s because of Cavell that I’m still here, and I realise that I do matter.”

Gemma wants other nurses or midwives to reach out for help if they need it: “I just want people to know that you’re not a failure if you’re in crisis; this is just a part of your story, but it doesn’t define you.”

 

Back to a job Gemma loves

 

After those incredibly difficult six months, Gemma was ready to return to work but with a different mindset, prioritising her wellbeing this time. She said, “I’ve been on a phased return to work. Occupational health has supported me along with my community mental health team. I do four shifts a week now working with no more than three patients at a time. It’s going well; my confidence is returning and it feels manageable.”

Gemma demonstrates the passion that nurses have for their role by returning to work with a renewed sense of purpose.

She remarked, “I’m so grateful for my job. It’s a privilege! Nursing is an art and a science rolled into one, and I get to make the clinical side less scary for my patients and their families. It’s very rewarding.”

This experience has taught Gemma that needing help does not equate to failure and coping alone does not equate to strength. She wants more nurses who are struggling to realise that you are not failing, and your circumstances are not a reflection of who you are as a person.

Lastly, it’s ok to ask for help.

 

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The Nursing and Midwifery Council (NMC) is the independent public regulator for nurses and midwives in the UK and nursing associates in England. It sets standards for the profession, keeps a register of all qualified nurses and midwives, and conducts fitness-to-practice investigations. To be eligible for a grant from Cavell, you must be, or have been, registered with the NMC. If you have been suspended or removed from the NMC register, please contact a member of our support team on 01527 595 999 or [email protected] before completing our application form.

 

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To find out about other nurses and midwives that we’ve supported, read more stories here. If you would like to help us be there for more people like Gemma, you can get involved by: Fundraising, donating, or becoming a regular giver.